mommy confessions

life as a mommy is a bit of roller coaster.

oui?

last weekend (and the weeks leading up to it) 

i poured myself into planning and creating 

wonderful birthday memories for selah.

it was an amazing weekend and i was thrilled with how 

everything came together.

happy to see me little girl happy...

i have to say - this week with my 5 year old 

has been a bit of a challenge.

she's been grumpy and defiant at times.

not wanting to go to school, refusing her dinner, saying no to my requests,

claiming she is going to stay up all night and play...

it's so easy to for me to get frustrated and pull away in those moments.

tonight had some frustrating events... 

i rushed through bedtime, 

hoping to get some space to be alone and unwind.

about 30 minutes after i had said goodnight, selah called down to me:

"mommy i feel funny inside..."

i have to be honest, 

it was a real push for me to go to her and be with her tonight...

i didn't want to.

but deep down i knew it was what we both needed.

we talked about how she was feeling. 

we talked about why she might be acting the way she has been.

we talked about how i was feeling. 

i told her i loved her.

she knows...

she cuddled into me on her bed and gave me a kiss on my cheek 

and told me she felt better being close to me.

shedding a couple tears - i was suddenly feeling better inside too.

sometimes when i need to unwind, 

i like to catch up on some favourite blogs.

doing so led me here.

these words resonated with me tonight:

"there is no way to be a perfect mother, 

but there are a million ways to be a good one"

like any parent, i have expectations for my girls. 

i'm realizing that i have even higher expectations for myself as a mom.  

i seem to need repeated reminders that i can't be a perfect mom.

when i'm hosting parties for my girls - i feel like a pretty good one.

when i'm losing my patience with them and rushing through routines...

it "feels funny inside"

first i tend to blame them for my frustrations and tension, 

but if i'm honest i realize i'm frustrated with myself 

for not being the mommy i want to be.

i'm still working through how to relax these expectations

tonight was a good reminder to give love and time even when i don't feel like it.

because when you do, you just might get that love back tenfold...

~

and i just want to thank all of you who take the time to visit my blog.

sharing photos and memories,

processing life as a mom,

hearing your thoughts...

it's good my soul.

i hope your weekend gives you something to smile about!

have a good one.